I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she told me i tasted like america
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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