Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
As shirtless as possible
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
