Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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