marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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