what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
