Can Purell be used as lube?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
