Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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