I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
