so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
