the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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