He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
