I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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