She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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