dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
