I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
