what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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