I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize