Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
