I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
