I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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