On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
