I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
