i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
