Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize