cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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