I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
