Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
