My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
