I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
