just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
