i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
