Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
