You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize