Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
