Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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