Say something about gay babies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
