HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
