I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't make out with my wife yet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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