so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
