Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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