Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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