even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
