i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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