we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
