He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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