having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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