I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
