i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
