You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
