So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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