how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize