Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
