im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
