He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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