I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
