why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
