i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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