Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
