The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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