I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
