dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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