I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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