The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
