She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
