I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
