At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No subtext here. People are naked.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
