that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
