This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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