Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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