just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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