i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
