I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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