and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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