i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
