just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
