1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
