??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
