in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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