I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
