I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
