Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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