I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
