dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
