I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize