I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I did not marry a roomba.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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