It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize