Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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