The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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