I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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