i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
