I wish my penis had an off switch
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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