drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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