erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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