You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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