were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
