D3 body, D1 cock
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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