i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
