omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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