So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
