I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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