haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
