I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
