Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
