he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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