3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
